Cleaning therapy

I am cleaning my house and I am wiping the slate.

It is the end of the year for me, and I am reaching into the dark corners and wiping them with a wet rag.  I am spraying vinegar and water onto my floors and window sills and commode.  The vinegar is corrosive; it dissolves away the dirt and the grime and the lingering smudges established in the last 365.  Vinegar smells like new things.

This is my spring, my rebirth.  The middle days of June saw me inventorying my work space, moving failures from my desktop into the trash, packing boxes into my closet, saying goodbye to the students I’ve made this year, mentally passing them on to the next grade and the next teachers to handle.  Now it is the end of June, and I am cleaning out my personal space to get ready for my own next life.

I scrubbed the floor so I can’t see any missteps from the year past.  I scoured out the soap scum in the tub so it’s ready for a good, relaxing soak.  I shined the windows and wiped down the blinds and now I can see clearly out into the green courtyard where my neighbors gather to chatter.  I dusted and vacuumed and Febreezed the carpet so now there is no 2011-2012 dust in my home.  I put new pictures on my wall and planned even more to remind me of future good times and positive thoughts.

In this first week of vacation, cleaning up seems like a survival instinct.  I’m driven to de-clutter like there is nothing else worth doing.  Not even HBOgo has slowed me down; only given me something to watch in between tasks.  I am also importing the last of my CDs into itunes, so I can get rid of two boxes of stuff I don’t need.  Throwing away is cathartic.  This evening, I had to tear myself away from the computer and the duster and the hammer and nail to meet a friend for a writing date.  What I was thinking about was:  What about the pantry, which is still a mess?  And the living room has piles of to:goodwill and to:trash items.  And you haven’t even touched the hall closet.  And why don’t you throw away your old tv already.  The tea boxes are so messy crammed into the cupboard!  Organize!  ORGANIZE!

This compulsion to renew the space around me coincides with the desire to forget everything I’ve ever done.  I want to distance myself from work and tired and stress and busy and perhaps if everywhere I look is clean and orderly and fresh, I myself will feel clean and orderly and fresh.  I am painting with the colors of papaya and pineapple and salmon because they are so bright that you can’t possibly think of anything less that happy.

I want to shrug off this past year and dive into a care-free happy summer.  

When my apartment is ready, I will be ready too.